ClaireSim♥

can't believe it, how fast time can pass by without anyone noticing. it's alr Thursday and my mind is still stuck on Tuesday. woke up today thinking that its a Tuesday, wondering why was the week passing by so slowly, to realise it is alr Thursday. just another 1 day to the weekend.

my mind is still flying around so much. it doesn't seem to be settling down anytime soon. feeling so tired of being awake each day, waking up wondering when will the day end? work has been a drag. i cannot help but wonder what is going on with my life each day and hoping tmr never comes.

getting more and more uncontrollable. feels like only physical pain can take away a part of the pain, but it comes back after the physical pain is gone. feel that energy seeping out of me, feeding sth more terrible than what exists. i'm really mentally tired.

then again, thanks, but no thanks for the concern.

Signing off,
Keulleeo
Claire Sim
28112019

Labels: #nowplaying 生死相隨 - 杨培安, 崔子格

well, its the end of the first working day of the week.

today was pretty hectic, at least its hectic enough to make me lose track of time. to be honest, i think i need more things to distract myself from all these things ongoing around me.

moving over to Depot Rd for the first day, and i somehow like the environment. its peaceful and quiet, although the mornings can be pretty eerie and all. but overall, it ain't that bad.

starting to feel lost about what to do. everything seems to be happening so fast while here i am, trying to slow it down and walk in my own pace.

maybe i should just go crazy once.

Signing off,

Keulleeo

Claire Sim

25112019

honestly, i dont know anymore. feeling pretty tired.

all i can do now is just sit down, in front of the computer and say that everything is alright.

people around me kept asking, so how are you? its pretty obvious that im not okay. but then again, thanks for the concern, but i dont need it. Since, anyways, i am now a heartless bitch.

im growing tired of how much i had to go through each day, suppressing anger, disappointment and sadness. suppressing that uncontrollable brain that is constantly saying, im sick and tired of this world.

i shall just continue planning for my trip. im sorry but i dont feel like entertaining anyone now.

Signing off,

Keulleeo

Claire Sim

23112019; 1937

Labels: #nowplaying All About You - Taeyeon

Hmm, so, its finally Friday.

have been trying to distract myself a lot, and was reading plenty of comics. and sadly, the comic really gave me the feels about how others can be jealous about you knowing that they cannot win you, and trying to get you into trouble as much as they can.

thinking back, that was how i went through my life so far. since young, people around me have been trying very hard, to get my attention so that they can get what they want, turn around, stab me at the back and leave. seems like it is as though its a norm to me now that i have to go through this once in awhile. somehow it feels like a reminder to me, never to trust people because honestly, who in this world doesn't do things for their own benefits?

i have finally decided. i'll let go. but not because of his sake, but mine. how a person wants to live is based on the person themselves. and i have decided to live mine. i may not have decided the best for myself, but i have decided.

i shall stay hidden, and forever hidden. i shall lock myself up in an ice cave, and this time round, block it with metal boulders. never to be moved, and never to be destroyed. because, metal is still more sturdy than ice, comparing to how much heat you require to melt an ice cube and a metal cube.

okay, back to work. its lunch time, but i don't have the appetite. i have been losing both sleep and appetite, that i wonder if i would even slim down this way.

Signing off,
Keulleeo
Claire Sim
22112019

Lyrics

Translation

Another day 슬픈 말은 하지 말아요

So far away 아무 말도 하지 말아요

사랑이 그렇게 힘들게 하나요

마음이 그렇게 너만 찾고 있나요

머리가 희미해 아직도 넌

가슴 깊은 곳에 사나 봐

마음이 아파와 지금도 난

네가 보고 싶나 봐

아프고 아파도

널 바라볼 수 없잖아

오늘도 이렇게

그리우면 어떡해

Another day 슬픈 말은 하지 말아요

So far away 아무 말도 하지 말아요

사랑이 그렇게 힘들게 하나요

마음이 그렇게 너만 찾고 있나요

차가운 바람에

너를 느껴

두 눈을 감고 널 생각해

좋았던 기억은 간직할게

가끔 꺼내어 볼게

아프고 아파도 널 바라볼 수 없잖아

오늘도 이렇게 보고 싶어 어떡해

Another day 슬픈 말은 하지 말아요

So far away 아무 말도 하지 말아요

사랑이 그렇게 힘들게 하나요

마음이 그렇게 너만 찾고 있나요

나를 붙잡아줘요

놓지 마요

제발 내 곁을 떠나지마

우우우우 우우 우 우우

왜 말을 못 해

난 여기에 있는데 우우우

다시 만나면 네게 얘기할 거야

너를 많이 사랑한다고

매일 그렇게

너를 기다리고 있을 거라고

Another Day

Don’t say sad words

So far away

Don’t say anything

Is love giving me

That much of a hard time?

Is my heart

Only looking for you?

My head is faint

You’re still living

Deep in my heart

My heart aches

Even now

I miss you

It hurts and hurts

But I can’t look at you

So again today

I’m longing for you, what do I do?

Another Day

Don’t say sad words

So far away

Don’t say anything

Is love giving me

That much of a hard time?

Is my heart

Only looking for you?

I feel you in the cold wind

I close my eyes and think of you

I’ll keep all of the good memories

And take them out sometimes

It hurts and hurts

But I can’t look at you

Again today

I’m missing you, what do I do?

Another Day

Don’t say sad words

So far away

Don’t say anything

Is love giving me

That much of a hard time?

Is my heart

Only looking for you?

Hold me

Don’t let go

Please don’t leave me

Why can’t you say it?

I’m right here

When we meet again, I’ll tell you

That I love you so much

That I’ll be waiting for you

Every day

Labels: #nowplaying Another Day - Punch & Monday Kiz

hmm, i think it is high time i revive this blog.
i know its been very long since i last wrote, because life has been busy enough.

year 2019 has been very hectic. Too many things happened, and every single one of them made me drained out. Health has been bad, while my mental health is deteriorating even faster.

yes, i think i should admit to this. i have mental illness. and it has never healed. thanks, but no thanks. i don't need the concern.

i recently found out that i have symptoms of Paranoia, which makes me even more paranoid about the things around me. i'm starting to lose more and more control of myself, and my own life. and of course, as usual, who actually bothers?

Life has been like this. everyone is busy getting along with their own life, while another person suffers. how can people just say things in the beginning, knowing that they wouldn't keep their promises at the end of the day?

from the beginning of the year, i left my job at Novartis for a consultancy job which i started in the mid of the year.

from helping him to find a job, to having a huge fight and to now, silence. yes. my world has just dropped and silenced. i no longer see and hope of dragging myself out of this huge and dark internal world of mine. my mind has became so worn out that i can't help but wonder, if there is anything better than this?

if i ever knew this would happen, i would have chose to stay hidden and locked, locked within a wall of ice, never to melt the door and open it. after giving me the hope that my world and life may be better, and made me felt that, maybe i may deserve this... i felt hopeless. my world came crashing down on me even harder and faster than i thought.

i sat down and thoughts have been running through my head daily. i felt more tired than i'd ever be. and now, any body pain wouldn't even win how painful i felt within me. everything seems... black. i have lost all the colours.

i have always been afraid of people leaving. because i know how it feels like, how painful it is, especially a person who you care for deeply. but yes, i cannot control how others thinks. if they want to, i cannot stop them as it was never a right for a person to stay, always.

On a side note, i have made plans to travel to Korea with small bro next March. i hope this will serve as a break from such a hectic and disastrous 2019. maybe then i shall update all my travel stuff in here. and probably keep this blog alive.

Signing off,
Keulleeo
Claire Sim
21112019

Labels: #nowplaying Hotel de Luna OST